Living in the Moment When You’re Perpetually Behind

I walked into Costco earlier this week, and my eyes bugged out of my head when I saw Christmas trees on display. Their twinkling lights led the way toward aisles filled with toys and reindeer lawn ornaments and holiday gift wrap. 

Every year, retailers do this. And every year, it catches me off guard. 

Maybe you’re one of those people who like to get a jump on things, and honestly, I admire you. I’m the kind of person who, every year, plans to get a jump on things, but somehow I still wind up wrapping Christmas gifts at 1am on Christmas Day. I’ve always been like this–old habits die hard, I guess. In high school and college, I’d stay up all night to finish a paper, and I wish I could tell you I don’t do that kind of thing anymore. My brother used to say, “If you wait until the last minute, it only takes a minute!” I’d like to believe that saying is true. But also, if you wait until the last minute, you end up wanting to pull your hair out and scream at everyone and no one in particular. But I digress…

My point is that there seems to be a constant battle between planning ahead and living in the moment. One minute, we hear things like, “Savor every minute!” or “Be present!”, and the next, we’re walking through Costco in August wondering if we’re the only ones who haven’t bought red and green wrapping paper yet. 

It’s hard to live in the moment when you feel perpetually behind. I feel that even in my house. As one does, I recently snooped around on Zillow to check out houses in my neighborhood (someone admit to me that they do the same thing?), and a neighbor’s house is on the market and it is stunning. I knew she was good at design and decor (which are not my forte), and I also know that photographers and home stagers can work wonders. But my admiration for her style and the work she put into her home quickly turned sour. My husband and I are doing some work on our house, too, and I suddenly felt really, really behind. Her home was what mine should look like.

Mine was the “before” picture, hers the “after.” 

It’s so silly, I know. But in those couple minutes spent looking at house photos, the comparison beast started to growl. I felt so behind in what my own home should look like. All too often, I also end up feeling behind in my writing, behind in getting my kids’ Halloween costumes figured out, behind on knowing what our Christmas plans are, behind in my parenting abilities, behind, behind, behind. 

But thank the good Lord that life isn’t that kind of race. 

In Acts 20, Paul is determined to go to Jerusalem, where he knows it won’t be a cakewalk. His trip may even cost him his life. But then he says, “However, I consider my life worth nothing to me; my only aim is to finish the race and complete the task the Lord Jesus has given me—the task of testifying to the good news of God’s grace” (Acts 20:24).

The only race that matters is the one God has set before us–the one where we get to follow our Savior all the way into eternity, savoring his goodness and proclaiming his glory each step of the way.

Friend, if you feel like you’re behind, in your career, in your parenting, even in something as seemingly ordinary as your home decor, let me remind us both that if we are seeking Jesus, if we are striving to follow him as we run whatever path is set before us, we can never be behind. God has given us careers and families and homes and schedules to steward well, but let us not allow comparison to trip us up along the way. Even when we fail, there is grace. Even when we wander off the path, he comes to find us. Even when we can’t see more than an inch ahead, his steady hand and his gentle voice guide us. 

Whatever your days look like, whatever roles and responsibilities and resources you have, remember the race you're running is not against anyone else. Rather, the race we run is a lifelong pursuit of Jesus.

And at the end of that race, we'll find ourselves in the only place that matters: falling right into the arms of our God.