You Don't Have to Do It All
My husband took a day off of work this week. The morning began as normal, but by 8 a.m. it spiraled into kids crying and me taking a timeout behind my locked door. I needed help, space, an extra set of hands, and someone with the dose of patience I lacked.
As I watched him take the kids to the park, make their lunch, and put our two-year-old down for a nap, I felt guilty that I didn’t contribute and guilty that he carried the load of two parents. Rather than being grateful for my husband and his flexible job, I resented needing the help.
I’d tell anyone else it’s good to ask for help. For me, it’s even okay if I ask for help in the obvious “all hands on deck” situations—like having twins, a rough bout of the flu, or the death of a loved one. I’ll happily meet you at the door to take a casserole off your hands or let you play with toddlers while I recover from a C-section. But on an average Tuesday when I just can’t pull it together? That doesn’t reach the standard of a “good reason” to call in reinforcements.
It felt like an internal wrestling match between what I knew in my head to be true and the lies hounding me every moment. You’re not a good mother. You’re weak. Everyone else seems to be able to handle this—and more—just fine. What’s wrong with you?
Motherhood for me has been one big battle against an obsessive desire for competence. I expect myself to be invincible, a real life Wonder Woman who can handle it all. Only I can’t. I feel incapable and weak, and I fail to live up to my own superwoman expectations.
My counselor once told me, “Every day you wish you were different. And then when you wake up and that hasn’t happened, you’re already disappointed in yourself.”
Click here to read the rest of the essay at Coffee + Crumbs.
Photo by Ellieelien on Unsplash.
