Slowing Down, Scheduling Rest, and Living at the Pace Your Body (and Soul) Need to Go
My husband and I went away last month to a cute little Airbnb a couple hours from our house. It was part writing retreat for me, part babymoon before we welcome our fourth. My brother and sister-in-law held down the fort at home, entertaining our three other kids with movies and ice cream and all the things the best aunts and uncles do.
We had two nights to enjoy kid-free quiet, and yes, in many ways it was as luxurious as it sounds (despite my pregnant body feeling slow and uncomfortable and reckoning with the reality that I’m not exactly in my 20s anymore!). On Saturday morning, I slept in (8:30am!), drank coffee while it was still hot, stayed in my pajamas until lunchtime (OK, that’s not that uncommon these days), and generally moved at a glacial pace.
While my husband roamed around the house not quite knowing what to do with himself, I commented, “I’m finally going at a pace I can manage.”
I felt like I could keep up with the day, like I could move my body when it was ready. I could exercise, then rest. I could read a book, then write. And for once in my life, I wasn’t rushing out the door or running late.
We savored the weekend, but it was a far cry from what our normal days look like. Even if we don’t have much on the calendar, the hours fill up with work and emails and making lunches and making snacks and making dinner and wondering why all these humans in my house constantly want to eat.
It was a gift to rest, but in the midst of the quiet, I realized how much I needed to allow my body and soul to slow down—even after we returned to regular life.
Slowing down may feel like a luxury–and it can be. The opportunity to get away for two nights is not something I take for granted. But I think sometimes we view slowing down and resting as unattainable luxuries–and forget they’re also necessities.
Our bodies need rest. Our minds need rest. Our souls need rest.
In the chaos of our days, rest too often feels out of reach, doesn’t it? That can be especially true as we move into the holiday season.
Schedule Rest
The ever-wise Kendra Adachi (The Lazy Genius) talks about scheduling rest. Just like we’d schedule an event or a meeting or Thanksgiving dinner, we have to schedule rest. Maybe that’s 10 minutes with a cup of tea in the afternoon or a date-night-in after the kids go to bed. Maybe it’s a weekend away or simply putting “Don’t Plan Anything” on the calendar (a life-changing practice my husband and I started implementing).
If you’re running at a pace you can’t sustain, what can you do to schedule in pockets of rest? Or, if you’re like me, you may realize even a walking pace feels far too fast. At 37 weeks pregnant with three kids and a dog at home, I’ve finally come to terms with the fact that I just can’t do what I used to–even what I used to do a month ago. My back hurts. My feet hurt. Even my pelvic floor hurts. And that’s okay. That’s the stage I’m in.
Rather than beating myself up for needing to take a break or ordering takeout or letting my four-year-old watch a little too much TV, I’m learning to let it go. Not because I’m apathetic or lazy or whatever, but because I’m tired.
With family feasts and Christmas shopping and extra long to-do lists looming, how can you carve out some space for your body and soul to catch up?
What are some ways you can pause long enough to take a breath?
Needing Rest is not a Fault
It may not be kid-free time, but it may be a family movie night where you can lay on the couch, because the third trimester is just not going to let you stand up any longer. Or start using that meditation app (I’ve been loving Soulspace!) you downloaded months ago to help you slow down for even five minutes a day. See if you can swap babysitting with a friend, so you can go for a walk. Let the chores go tonight, and take a bath instead. Leave some margin on your calendar for unscheduled nights as a family, or finally say no to those holiday events that drain the life out of everyone in your home.
Or maybe, you simply need to let go of the false guilt that can come when you feel like you just can’t do as much as the next person (or as much as you used to do in a different season).
Needing rest isn’t a fault. It’s not a reason to feel guilty. It’s not a failure in parenting. It’s a sign you’re a human being, a finite person in need of the care you so selflessly give to others.
So take care of yourself. Whatever it looks like in this season and with whatever resources you have, try to create some breathing room. Schedule rest. And allow yourself, at least once in a while, to live at the pace your body and soul have been needing to go.
